With the holidays just weeks away, there's no better time to consider how to make the season less stressful and more meaningful. For those of us who would like to remember this time with gratitude and joy, follow these ten tips for keeping the season “Real.”
1. Set Realistic Expectations -- No holiday is perfect. Sometimes recipes flop, gifts don't arrive on time, and decorations break. Remember, the holidays are first and foremost about connecting with the people who love us whether or not we get everything right.
2. The Holidays are Not a Competition – The only thing you're guaranteed to get from trying to out-decorate the neighbors is a big electric bill.The same goes for trying to out-do what you did last year.
3. Empathy is the Key to Gift Giving – Before you make that purchase, spend a moment reflecting on the person who will receive it. Does he really like goofy hats? If you're buying it only because you want a photo of him in it, think again.
4. Happy Holidays are Not Generic – Greeting cards and TV programs offer air-brushed ideas that lack the little quirks that make the holidays memorable. Be creative. Let your personality shine through.
5. Reassess Your Traditions -- The kinds of celebrations and activities that you enjoyed in the past may not work today. Maybe your children have grown up. Maybe you have some new ideas. Maybe it's time to invent a new tradition.
6. Be Brave – As funny as it may sound, making a happy holiday can take some courage. If certain people, places and events are just too stressful for you to bear, try to limit your exposure to them. Who says you have to give an entire afternoon over to that uncle who won't stop criticizing you?
7. Share the Burden – Wouldn't you prefer to pitch in and help with the holiday preparations to avoid watching someone else burn-out? If you are the main event planner for the holidays, make sure everyone knows you welcome their assistance. Just don't expect them to do things the way you would. Allow for imperfections and enjoy the surprises.
8. Redefine Generosity – We touch people most deeply when we give of ourselves. Your time and attention are wonderful gifts and they will create memories that are more valuable and long-lasting than anything you might buy.
9. It's a Time for Gratitude – Nothing makes us feel better than when we add-up our blessings. The annual holidays give us the perfect opportunity to reflect on all the people and experiences that make us feel truly rich. Make a list of those things that fill you with gratitude. It may be the best gift you'll ever get.
10. Remember It's Only a Day -- When things don't go right, there is always tomorrow. If the oven breaks, or the flu strikes, you can always reschedule the celebration. After all, the true meaning of the holidays is in the love we share with each other, and there's never a time when that's out of season.
Toni Raiten-D'Antonio is a psychotherapist and author of The Velveteen Principles (Oct 2004), a Guide to Becoming Real. The Velveteen Principles offers advice on reclaiming joy, fulfillment and individuality drawing from the simple wisdom of the children's classic The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams.
